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How Did Coffee Get So Complicated

How Did Coffee Get So Complicated

How and why did buying a cup of coffee become so complicated?

There are times when all I want is a nice, simple cup of coffee made by someone who actually knows what coffee is. I don’t want to be offered a massive list of coffees with options of froth, chocolate sprinkles, magic fairy dust, froppa moppa flappa mappa chino, gold leaf sugar, a range of syrups or a dozen different sizes. Just a simple cup of coffee will do.

Driving back to the island last week after seeing clients on the mainland I stopped for a coffee a few times there and back and each time I found myself getting more and more annoyed whenever I tried to get a simple cup of coffee but the icing on the cake was this actual conversation I had with a young girl working at one of the places I stopped.

Me: Black coffee please.

Girl: We don’t do black coffee, we do Americano though which is like black coffee.

Me: Isn’t Americano just black coffee?

Girl: No it’s Americano, it’s different.

Me: What’s the difference?

Girl: Erm, I think Americano is like a latte without the milk.

Me: So it’s a black coffee then?

Girl: No we don’t have black coffee, sorry I am only allowed to sell what is on the coffee list.

Me: How long have you worked here?

Girl: It’s my second day.

Me: Do you do white coffee?

Girl: No but we have latte, it’s like white coffee.

Me: What’s the difference between a latte and a white coffee?

Girl: I’m not sure but a lot of people who ask for white coffee have latte.

Me: Alright, I’ll have an Americano please!

At this point I wanted to head butt the wall but resisted the temptation. I took my Americano, (which, would you believe, suspiciously looked and tasted exactly like a black coffee) back to the car and sat for a few minutes shaking my head.

Next time I am taking a thermos flask!